From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were--I have not seen
As others saw--I could not bring
My passions from a common spring--
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow--I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone--
And all I lov'd--I loved alone--
Then--in my childhood--in the dawn
Of a most stormy life--was drawn
From ev'ry depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still--
From the torrent, or the fountain--
From the red cliff of the mountain--
From the sun that round me roll'd
In its autumn tint of gold--
From the lightning in the sky
As it pass'd me flying by--
From the thunder, and the storm--
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view

~Edgar Allan Poe

Just Those Few Weeks

For those few weeks-
I had you to myself.
And that seems too short of time
To be changed so profoundly.

In those few weeks-
I came to know you...
And to love you.
You came to trust me with your life.
Oh, what a life I had planned for you!

Just those few weeks-
When I lost you,
I lost a lifetime of hopes,
plans, dreams, and aspirations...
A slice of my future simply vanished overnight.

Just those few weeks-
It wasn't enough time to convince others
How special and important you were.
How odd, a truly unique person has recently died
And no one is mourning the passing.

Just a mere few weeks-
And no "normal" person would cry all night
Over a tiny, unfinished baby,
Or get depressed and withdraw day after endless day.
No one would, so why am I?

You were just those few weeks my little one
You darted in and out of my life too quickly.
But it seems that's all the time you needed
To make my life so much richer-
And give me a small glimpse of eternity.

~Susan Erlin

The Beast

You can cry all the tears in your eyes
until all tears are wept.
You can rest all the hours of the day
until all sleep is slept.

You can talk all the words that you know
until all words are told.
You can fight tooth and nail with your will,
hold your head up so bold.

You can take all the drugs on the shelf,
jab your skin till it's raw.
You can spend all the cash in your bank
on a miracle cure.

You can bury your head in some game,
hide a while - for a day.
You can lift up your head to the sky,
find some hope, you can pray.

You can learn all the facts you can find -
all the books you can buy.
You can drink all the booze in the bar,
drain the bottles all dry.

Still the beast feeds itself on your brain
and it won't go away.
And it is you, my friend, understand
that the beast's here to stay.

It's not over for you, not this time,
and you've still much to give.
And there's still so much love in your heart
and so much life to live.

And the beast won't define you at all,
you must be who you are.
In your soul there's a spirit of love
so just make it go far.

~Paul Jones


Behind the half remembered word,
The monster lies in wait.
He sucks your strength, he slurs your speech

And leaves you to your fate.
He lurks in dark confusion.
He waits, a patient shade,
Delighting in delusion,
And making you afraid.

He sucks away your life force.
He numbs your will to fight.
He steals your words as they are born,
And then he steals the light.

This dark and dank obscenity
Is warring with your soul,
Nibbling at your dignity,
A grey and faceless hole.

Oh please give me the strength to face
This demon, dire and dread,
To embrace and sooth his decaying form,
To give him peace instead.

~JoAnn Layton

How Will I Laugh Tomorrow

Here I sit and watch my world come crumbling down
I cry for help, no one's around
Silently screaming as I bang my head against the wall
It seems like no one cares at all

Always an emotion, but how can I explain?
Kind of like the scent of a rose, with words I can't explain, the same with my pain
Caught up in emotion, goes over my head
Sometimes I got to think to myself is this life or death, am I living or am I dead

The clock keeps ticking, but nothing else seems to change
Problems never solved, just rearranged
And when I think about all the times that I've had
Some were good most were bad

I search for personality and I look for things I cannot see
Love and peace flash through my mind; pain and hate is all I find
Find no hope in nothing new and I never had a dream come true
Lies and hate and agony; thru my eyes that's all I see

If I'm gonna cry, will you wipe away my tears?
And if I'm gonna die, Lord please take away my fear
Before I drown in sorrow, I just want to say;
How will I laugh tomorrow, when I can't even smile today

You think somethin's funny...
...laugh at this!

So when I look outside my room
I see the world, but not the reason
What it's done to me is not fair
You call it fate I call it treason
But I don't know what to do
Give me a sign I'll take whatever
But if you want me here I am
Not gonna die forever

And I try to hold ya
But you just turn away
And I try to tell ya
But not a word I say
I cry out so loudly
But you just cover your ears
I give you other signs
But you ignore my tears

So if you want me here I am
I sit and wait your decision
But my body fights my mind
They're headed straight for a collision
So am I getting near or am I still
Looking in all the wrong places
But the only thing the seasons change
Are the looks on the faces...

~Suicidal Tendencies
from the album "How Will I Laugh Tomorrow When I Can't Even Smile Today


When you're awake and you think
That the dreams you have--
And that yesterday--
When the roles are reversed--
In your mind you know
Your dreams are true
And life's the dream
And no one's around to tell you differently...
What is real?

If waking life is shades of grey
That run together, always the same,
Never remembered;
And dream-world is vivid color,
Each "day" different,
Making more sense than anything known...
Isn't it possible
That the one that sustains the soul
Will eventually take over
And become the reality?

But if a dream were entered
Would it be able to sustain,
And the fantasy remain
Without giving in to the
Mundane, everyday,
Becoming normal because it is the expected
And no longer special?

~Amanda Cook

The Soul's Storm.

It struck me every day
The lightning was as new
As if the cloud that instant slit
And let the fire through.

It burned me in the night,
It blistered in my dream;
It sickened fresh upon my sight
With every morning's beam.

I thought that storm was brief,--
The maddest, quickest by;
But Nature lost the date of this,
And left it in the sky.

~Emily Dickinson


Every man has his secret sorrows,
which the world knows not;
and oftentimes we call a man cold
when he is only sad.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Multiple Sclerosis

MS is quite a funny thing
Peculiar, not funny ha-ha-
One day you might feel on top of the world
The next you're way below par.
It isn't like measles or chickenpox
Scarlet fever, mumps or the flu
Each of these are quite predictable
No one knows what MS will do.
It affects everybody differently
No two people are the same
It's called Multiple Sclerosis,
Several ailments under one name.
There are some that have rather poor balance
We stumble and fall flat on the floor
We pick ourselves up and start off again
But soon find we're falling once more.
So lots of us walk with a walking stick
It helps us to stand up quite straight
But later we find it much harder to walk
Our legs feel they're held down by a weight.
So some of us sit in a wheelchair
I'm afraid that we get pushed around
We don't see as much as we used to
As our eyes are much nearer the ground.
If we go to a super new restaurant
The very first thing that we do
Is not to find out about wine or food
But the quickest way to the loo!
Double vision can be quite a problem
Sometimes it may cause you to grin
You walk into a room full of people
And everyone's there with a twin!
And if we lose our hand control
Many things go right out of reach
We struggle to write or pick up a pin
Have you ever tried peeling a peach?
MS does lots of other things
Some of which I'd rather not mention
But at least when it means you can't work anymore
You might get a very small pension.
MS is quite a funny thing
But it's something we have to endure
For despite the research that goes on all the time
No one knows of the cause or the cure.

~Vivien Mitchell

Recent Past Timescape

Standing here in the field of now-
Slanted light hides rocks and cracks ahead
And shows those just passed in (im)perfect clarity

In far distance are weathered mountains
Smoothed by the rains
Of time-
Rains that green the fields and wash away the dust
Of troubles.
Worn walls wind through the hills,
Hiding hurts.
Much is shrouded in the mists,
But patches of detail can still shine through

Turning back is not allowed.
Those who try are quickly lost in a wasteland
No one can see-
Filled with sorrow, regrets, and lost opportunity.
So I turn forward
To the future

Beyond the deceptive smoothness of the plain
Looms a formidable landscape.
A sea of uncertainty,
Jagged mountains-
Seemingly impassable obstacles.
A fog of confusion hangs over all

Still, I set my foot on the path,
Continue on.
Sometimes I stumble
But as I travel
Mountains are ground to gravel.
The fog thins, a sun is seen.
Rays of hope pierce through the clouds

~Amanda Cook

Behind Blue Eyes

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

No one knows what it's like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies

But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be

I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free

No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you

No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through

But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be

I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free

When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool

If I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat
If I shiver, please give me a blanket
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

~The Who

Recipe for Hate

Each day my shortcomings pick my pockets
My faults were letters carved in stone
As meaningful to you as words written in water
I'm left to walk this world alone

In a broken mold they made me
The black sheep of the family
Worth less than zero my opinion
And room temperature IQ

I did something, now I'm nothing
Always wrong with this or that
Poisoned with fear watch it twist
My measly brain mad

Talk about me when my back is turned
Next time we meet it will be too late
The memory burned in my ears of what you said
And now I've got a recipe for hate. Taste it

Dark clouds on the horizon
Make it hard to breathe
A walking mistake but every time
I run away, I just come back for more

The choice is clear I can quit
And fall on my sword, or light a fire
To see who runs or stays
And plays the confidence game



The Unknown Knows

On this train
Will it always rain?
Try to analyze
This led venture
Songless sky, digital bug-eye
Octogonal seams so much clearer
Indiscrete, status incomplete
To provide me with
Something better

Things come and go
This world is droll
All that I know
The Unknown knows

Talk to me you flying shadows
Wandering into the ozone stew
Keep your myths from the embryos
Who would misconstrue
Anything new
An outright official fiasco
Can you shield me
From the drastic truth

Times come and go
How dull the flow
All that I hope
The Unknown knows

Have some sign come to me
That I am in their league
Back down to reality
Look about, response is wanting
Events are carefully on display
Common sense, a gift, is given
But mystic mistakes are never made
Suspecting premature daydreams

I surrender to ritual grey
I come and go
Endless approach
I must be close
The Unknown knows

Why all this commotion now?
I wish I knew the one who knows
Yesterday will come
With tomorrow's sun
And merry-go-round
Stuck on muddy ground
Nineteen yelping fools
Half-wits spouting drool
Half of which have some
The others have none
I knew all along